APRIL FULL

There is this thrill that accompanies the month of April for me especially, and it has been like that for as long as I can remember.

The reason is not far-fetched anyways, every 12th of April is my birth anniversary. And since I became a volunteer for I am Voices Nigeria (a Non Governmental Organization that speaks against the menace of Sexual abuse violence), I have come to love April the more. And for your information, it is the global Sexual Abuse Awareness Month (SAAM) too.

Needless to say I particularly feel the need, to gleefully spend as much as the weight of my pocket can afford on me, every April.

Meanwhile, the first day in this month is generally referred to as April fool’s day. A day that is known for tricks and fooling of one another. And I must confess, I have had my fair share with just one event clearly standing out of the lot.

It was in the year 2007 as a third year student in the University. I have always been very hospitable to Jambites, and as the Assistant General Secretary of the Campus Association, I usually have more than enough people in my room at any point in time.

So we are either watching the TV or just seated for plain gist. But on this day, we were writing exams so my room was the library. And there was a pin-drop silence until one of us ensued a conversation as to the significance of the next day being April fools.

For a few minutes, we planned that one of us should feign convulsion, and then possibly be numb. Unfortunately, the institution was still mourning the loss of two of her students at that time, so stupidly, we had felt this should gather enough crowd for us to later scream;

“April foooooooooooooooooool.”

Then the deliberation began on who the victim should be. But after much dilly-dallying, it was decided upon that I should be the grammy-award actress.

This was because I was well known at the lodge, so the mention of my name should automatically gather more people that’ll be fooled, we concluded and I agreed.

In the wee hours of the next morning however, (I have never been an early riser from the start of my life), I was fast asleep when Peter and Qudus (both real names) came to wake me up for the prank.

And even though it took me about ten minutes to completely hibernate myself off sleeping mode to real life happening, I wore my acting mien before motioning to them to start screaming.

This was some minutes past five in the morning.

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”

“Somebody please heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp us oooooooooo”

“She is dying oooooooooooooo”

“Tietie ni oooooooooooooooo (Tie tie was my nickname in school)

“It is Titi- AGS oooooooooooo (Titi Assistant Gen-Sec)”

The screaming continued and I heard footsteps of my hall mates in their large numbers, rushing towards the direction of my room.

(By the way, I lived in a student area that comprised of five structures. Each of them was a storey building, so the number of students living there should be rightly imagined).

However, as the human movements neared my way, I slumped me to the ground, gnashing my teeth, breathing very heavily and forming a seizure. What distinguished mine from that of an epileptic fellow was probably, foaming in the mouth. I did not have enough saliva in my mouth for that purpose.

Oh well!! I could feel the confusion of my hall mates from their conversations, deliberating on action plan.

While some said I should be rushed to the hospital (even though non was nearby and no one had a car), others suggested immediate rescuing procedures.

They started by bringing me onions and squeezing the veggie in between my teeth. And even though they felt they were making progress as I was responding to this, the discomfort I felt from the peppery sensation was out of this world.

This pain I had endured, while also ‘putting my ears down, expecting Peter and Konga to scream April fool, just so I could be relieved of this stressful acting moment.

I heard nothing.

Some more hall-mates, especially the females had started to cry. I mean serious wailing o. A few others were praying and telling God not to make my mother cry, as I was the only child.

And then the ‘devilish’ category of them suggested that an iron spoon should be forced in between my teeth to put a stop to the gnashing. They even ‘unrighteously’ opined that I’ll need a sprinkling of dried pepper for resuscitation.

That was ‘it‘ for me.

Haba!!! I had thought, dry pepper sprinkle on top of prank?

I prayed a silent prayer for the scream of April fool to come, but it did not. And I became totally confused.

Then the moment came, Keji, my SU (an appellation for born again Christian) hall-mate began to seriously ‘kabash’ (slang for speaking in tongues). At that moment, I knew that my evangelist mother won’t be proud of my upbringing, if I refuse to obey the voice of the holy spirit at this point. So I sneezed, much to the joyful uproar of my hall mates.

Afterwards, I scanned through the crowd, squinting. Lo and behold, Peter and Konga were nowhere to be found.

I was infuriated.

I could not wait to meet those two criminal cohort, eyeball to eyeball for an explanation. I was literally fuming as one Temitope Jaiyeola began to pamper me.

I hadn’t been in talking terms with Tope for a few days before this incidence, only for her to bring me a big tin of Milo, scooping big spoons of the powdery beverage and milk for me to drink. I legit felt like fainting on a regular.

Later that day, I saw Peter and Konga and both lads confessed to have became terrified at the agonizing look on the faces of all those who were converged at the scene.

Unfortunately, these were mostly their seniors, in their third and fourth year, and some more Post graduate students. So there was no way, Jambites like them would not have been seriously battered if they dared scream April fool, so they bolted away quietly, leaving me to my fate.

One of them even faulted my acting skills, tagging it too real for a mere prank.

Over a decade thereafter, I could not help laugh at the prank of that day, even though Tope is yet to come to terms with the fact that it was all a prank.

Many thanks to social media however, I only lost touch with Peter, but I still relate well with Qudus (Konga) and Tope.

Anyways, happy new month to you all, and big ups to my friend, Damilola Olomolehin on her newest single titled APRIL FULL.

This clearly informed my title.