Dilemma of a thirty-something-year -old unmarried woman in Nigeria.

 

The African mentality that pronounces that a thirty-something year old unmarried woman is as jinxed as hell needs to die already.

And very much unlike the mentally archaic, our generation is an exuberant one, so why kill the vibez in us with such insensitivity?

Likewise, live and let live is an axiom that we cannot but scream loud enough ..

And in like manner, these old schooled generation who are quick to mention the approaching onset of menopause, also would readily add this especial question;

“Do you still want to be tendering to babies, changing the diapers of your kids, dancing to nursing rhymes and attending PTA meetings when you’re supposed to be a granny?”

“What is even the probability that you’ll still be able to have any kids at all?”

For goodness sake I could decide to adopt or even ‘hire‘ a surrogate. Or is that not why I’m untiring with my daily hustle just so I would be able to attend to most of my futuristic needs?

The question above seems one of the reasons why the emotionally fickle amongst us would rush to marry a man they ordinarily wouldn’t have considered.

And that’s quite unfortunate.

Then goes some more demeaning remarks that they spill at family gatherings. This coming from especially the jobless aunties that became mothers in their teens.

“You’ll soon enter menopause o”

“See, you better look for any man to at least have babies with, your time is going o”

“Ha” they’d always start out in a very dense open-mouthed surprise, “the dusk of life of a woman tarries not.(literal meaning for the yoruba saying-ile obinrin ki npe su)”

“Or have you been overly choosy? All men are the same fa”

“Abi, you’re not attracting a man because you’re too flashy and making too much money yourself ni, you better calm-down” they’d hastily conclude in sheer inferiority complex.

Meanwhile the above are just a few of the highly insensitive cum dim-witted questions that they spew.

And if I could be getting these much comments being tossed at me despite having a child already, then I honestly feel the struggles of the other women in my age-bracket that has not felt the patter of a tiny feet.

But in as much as all of their worries and concerns are valid and true, it will not be out of place to reiterate that I would rather die single than end up miserable in matrimony. Or even bring forth a child I’d not give a life I wasn’t able to have as a child.

And it doesn’t even matter if I claim to love-love and the marriage institution, it has to be within the onus of happiness, and that is on period.

I digress, as long as the said thirty-something-year-old-woman is not found in your man’s bed or asking him to entirely dash her money, then we are not supposed to have a problem.

However, I feel the pain of every of my peer out there. It is so bad a situation that even those who married a few minutes ago would be out, giving counsels on the marriage institution and this especially baffles me.

Are role models not supposed to come from a lenghtier year of productive service?

Conversely, woe betides a naturally aggressive thirty something year old female. The world would be quick to attribute it to her unmarried state.

They’ll not only criticise her for getting angry over what even their wives would not tolerate, they’d equally attribute her aggression to being the cause of not being able to settle down with anyone.

And on the flip side, the excitable female that is genuinely hungry for success and working really hard to have a meaningful life they’d caution;

“You better slow down before you become more successful than the man that will be your future husband.” They’d always say.

Oh well!!!

I’m here striving to have a better life for me and the children born and yet unborn.

So if the supposed future husband has refused to do the same by having identical approach to life and all of his hustles, then unapologetically, I don’t want him.

Finally to my peer I’d say, Rita Dominic and Kemi Adetiba had only recently given us a voice with both women tying the nuptials at 46 and 42 years respectively.

So until you find a male-specie who is genuine, let no old generational aunty usually with a basket-full of admonitions that are nothing but misleading, deject your destiny.

Keep hustling and looking very refreshed and relaxed, while working really hard on all of your goals. Then grow up and be the best human that you can be for God and yourself.