Dammy’s Sexual Abuse Story;

Out of all the life occurrences that are inadvertently tagged ‘time-bad’, sexual abuse would never be one of them, the reason is not far-fetched.

 Victims of sexual abuse (from outright rape, molestation to penetration, defilement or whatever classification that a portion of the ignorant member of the public might chose for the purpose of justification as the case may be) never forgets. An abuse is an abuse albeit so brief that the perpetrator might have long-forgotten.

The aftermath of sexual abuse often throws victims into a state of emotional disarray that stays glued till the end of their lives. This is a fact that should remain pinned in the minds of the seven billion of us that inhabits this planet.

My focus today however is on the experience of a beautiful black woman, Damilola Babatope, a budding lawyer who by every standard is doing well for herself. Based in Georgia with her effervescent hubby, evident from Dammy’s glow. This regardless, she never found closure on her sexual abuse experience until recently that she blurted out via a face-book live session on her timeline.

Her story:

Damilola conceived as an undergraduate and despite the fact that the relationship that brought this about did hit the rocks, she had the baby. Then there was a bestie that she had at that time; her name, Wunmi. So also was Rod, albeit a male friend.  

Not long after,  Rod and Wunmi got a liking for themselves and they had a romantic relationship.

“Wunmi and Rod both had a fantastic relationship until genotype separated them in 2013.” Dammy narrated.

Despite the breakup of these two, the friendship Dammy separately enjoyed with each of them never waned. And for her friendship with Rod, Dammy got really closer to him, not when he 'somehow' made her feel important and 'wanted' in a way. This was coming at a time that she was quite vulnerable, no thanks to the disappointing relationship that she’d had.

“So the fact that there’s someone constantly telling me words like; ‘Dammy you look nice, you are pretty’ and so on gave me some sort of confidence as at that time”. She had admitted.

“Rod’s words to me were quite harmless and uttered innocently. But before I knew it, what was supposed to end in mere appreciation had both of us having a form of sexual content in our conversations” She submitted.

“Then one day I was driving down town, towards the house of Rod actually” Dammy started out, “one thing led to the other when I got there and we had sex” she concluded.

“I am sorry” she apologized to no one in particular and continued, “I knew I wasn’t thinking straight at all. I knew I should not have done it, but then that was it and we separated. Everybody moved on. Rod gave his life to Christ and then having discovered some ‘sort’ of medical ways to not have a sickle celled child with equally a carrier for a partner, he tried to reignite what he used to have with Wunmi. That was when he told her what had transpired between us. I also admitted to my friend upon questioning and I did spend a considerable time apologizing to her afterwards”.

            This undoubtedly caused a rift in their friendship and every-one of them went apart until 2016. Dammy was posted to Abuja for her National Youth Service Corp and Wunmi, now her erstwhile bestie, was the only person she knew lives therein with her uncle popularly known as ‘Fappy’. Fappy was a Lawmaker in the Federal Capital Territory.

Without having to go into details of how Dammy had wanted to use that opportunity to regain the trust of Wunmi, she decided to go to her, pleading once more until the hostility that she least expected began to stare her right in the face after she had been absorbed as an occupant of Fappy’s apartment. Yet she couldn’t afford to move out since she readily had no means to.

To the abuse story:

“One other night same year, it was a Friday night after I had started living with them, Fappy came back home late and ultimately drunk”, she started out. “I heard a knock on my window.”

“Then came a voice, ‘Dammy come and open the door’, it was Fappy’s voice. I looked out of my window to be sure he was the one, having been made to occupy the only room downstairs. I don’t always wear clothes to sleep so at that moment, I put back on the clothes I wore to work, and off to the living room to open up the door for him. And as soon as he sauntered in, he collapsed on me, acting all drunk.  He then held on to me like he needed support. So I simply led him up the stairs, and off I went back into my room and thereafter removed my clothes to resume sleeping.” Dammy narrated.

“The door of the room I occupied doesn’t lock, yet I was still surprised when the door opened. It was him, and I promptly asked what he wanted but he said nothing. Instead, he charged at me and began groping me. It sort of happened like a flash” Were the words that came from Dammy as she tried to fight back the torrents of tears swarming down the tides of her eyeballs.

“I struggled to put on my dress again and I ran out into the kitchen, yet he came after me. I again ran towards the back of the house to my window, pleading with him to leave me alone.”

“That was when he uttered that I shouldn’t run from him, pretending to go back into the house. Then after a while, I went back into the room.”

At that point she affirmed to have stayed back in the room and as expected, she was getting tired and ultimately feeling sleepy, since it appeared fappy was no longer in sight.

“That was when I thought to put my luggage behind the door since the knobs are bad. I don’t sleep with clothes on because it scratches me so I removed those once-more and I slept off.”

“Next was the door being forced open. The door frame came off and he resumed the groping, this time touching me in unimaginable places. And even though I was unable to mutter a word out of shock, I struggled still, yet expecting at least someone upstairs would hear the sound of us struggling. Meanwhile I was also scared and still not wanting to be caught in that situation, going by history”.

“Eventually I freed myself, having been able to struggle hard despite feeling quite faint and exhausted from his strong grip, he then let me be and he left”.

“I couldn’t help being suggestive like what did this man see? What did I SHOW him? What have I done wrong? The regular self-blame as expected.” Dammy concluded.

“A moment later he came back to apologize and left rather hurriedly.”

After that incidence, Dammy couldn’t pursue a thing. Having to report a lawmaker to the police was the last thing that anyone with ‘no connection’ would want to consider. Besides, a few friends were already justifying the fact that Fappy didn’t even penetrate so it shouldn’t be a big deal, oblivious of the fact that her body needs her consent to be touched, and that’s the abuse that we are talking about.

 

Despite not telling Wunmi what her uncle did to her, Dammy was eventually accused of seducing Fappy, with Wunmi citing the instance of the story they both shared in the past with Rod. And the fact that Dammy was thrown out under unimaginable circumstances in a way that clearly doesn’t befit any human, pained her the most.

And even though she had a tough time settling elsewhere in a strange land, the rest today is history.

Reiterating on the incidence above I’ll start out with the fact that says;

Nobody deserves sexual assault as a punishment for whatever offence they must have committed.

I intentionally had to narrate the whole story same way she had done on the face-book live session on her timeline on the first of May, 2020, just so I wouldn’t have to narrate a biased angle of the story.

As an advocate against the menace of sexual abuse prevalence, this is one of those stories where survivors might not be able to get a legal redress. This could be difficult especially in this part of the world where we all seem to wallow in the murky waters of near-unresponsive legal system.

Meanwhile, the alleged assaulter here is now the Commissioner for Infrastructure and Public utilities in Ekiti State, Hon. Bamidele Faparusi, nicknamed ‘fappy’. 

I tried contacting him for over a month through a closer ally, and despite all entreaties from me to his friend that I contacted for him to at least hear from him, it was not to be. He could not be reached. And as a matter of fact, the closer ally went all cold and hostile till today.

 Meanwhile, Dammy no doubt had lived with all of the anger that came as a result of bottling this up over the years, not with the Busola Dakolo saga that brokered and subsequently ruled the Nigerian internet space a while ago. Coupled with a few other known cases, Dammy even admitted to have sent a text message to Fappy and Wunmi his niece to remind them of her experience in their house. Then the humiliation that followed thereafter, demanding an unreserved apology from the duo.

“I also demand an apology from Wunmi because she was actually straight-up accusing me, and only God knows what her uncle must have told her transpired, not like she was really asking me about my own side of the story” Dammy said in tears.

And even though none of them replied her texts, she seems to have gotten the closure that she longed craved for when she bared it all out to the public. And since the internet never forgets actually, we’ll keep this one right here for the future to judge posterity rather rightly.