PARENTS, BRIDGE THE COMMUNICATION GAP

I was spurred to write this, as a result of an occurrence that happened to the niece of a colleague just recently. A final year student in the University, in her early twenties, got pregnant for a young boy who claimed responsibility though. But for reasons best known to her, opted for an abortion, which was carried out by a quack. The fetus was evacuated, yet she never stopped bleeding even after a week. She hadn’t any choice but to confess to her parents who took her to a special hospital for proper attention and then subsequently an operation. Alas, it was discovered that she had triplets, which weren’t properly done by the quack. Her womb now ruptured as a result of the damage done.

 What amazes me is that, the mother cried her eyes out and bemoaned that her daughter should have kept the pregnancy instead.

The girl was probably scared of how disappointed her mother would have been, if a protruded belly was all she could bring home, even before graduation. Or that her peers would make jest of her, or that she would find it hard to able to cope with the rigors of pregnancy just yet, and maybe lots more. But now, which is better? That she might not be able to carry a child of her own all her days (I believe in surrogacy and divine miracles though) or that she bears the pregnancy to full term, have the triplets, and might even rule the internet with various captions like;

“Final year student of a university gives birth to triplets few days to her final year exams!”

And like my previous article on kids, who knows what these triplets have in stock for mankind?

It’s all gone now anyways.

Be that as it may, parents really have to be closer to their children. What’s all your hustle for, if you are not actively involved in the life changing decisions of your kids?

African parents especially really, need to slow down on some harsh parenting, and stop being archaic. Truth is, there is undoubtedly advancement in technology which had made children to be exposed to quite a number of unimaginable things. Agreed! Morals need to be taught and subsequently encouraged, so also chastity/decency. As it was experienced with old African cultures where maidens were compelled to remain virgins till their wedding night. A blood soaked handkerchief is supposed to be thrown to waiting crowds by the groom at midnight, after dowries had been paid. A significance that the bride was met a virgin. It is somewhat a thing of pride for the families of the bride. It is a common tradition that brides who were raped prior to getting married, or those that lost their chastity, have had to be sent out of the town in a shameful way, that such maidens might commit suicide was rife too as at that time.

But in a situation where this isn’t being achieved, one way or the other, either through bad parenting or sheer peer pressure on the part of the children, why raise the roof when wards err? This is clearly evident in the various skits that ruled the airwaves recently, especially the one with the recurrent mention of ‘Funke’.

 Pregnancy asides, the communication gap between kids and their parents should be bridged. Parents should be there when kids needs them. Endeavour to pay attention to their academics right from when they were younger. Attend their open day hours in school; a day leave from work would not kill you. Familiarize yourself with their teachers, know their grades, ask about their area of specialization, know who their friends are.

 Teach them sex education too. It is important that they learn to be conscious of their bodies as they grow. It is not insane if you discuss boyfriend/girlfriend issues with your teenage children. They know what that means whether you discuss it or not. Share your break up and even heartbreak stories with them as they grow, so that they could learn from it.

To you African parents, all of these aren’t taboos. Providing all their financial need isn’t all what they need, guidance is key.

God himself had allowed that we discuss our mess ups and low moments with him, and then subsequently ask for his forgiveness, so why should you expect your child to be perfect, never to engage in some sort of youthful exuberance, when you aren’t perfect either. Let kids know they are free to tell you any of their mess ups.

So today isn’t just about saying happy children’s day to kids, but to all the parents trying to raise a responsible adult in the making;

Happy Children’s day too.